Do you ever feel like your wheels are spinning, like if you could put yourself into four-wheel drive, you could push yourself out of that big old rut you’re stuck in?
Perhaps the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? If you could cut the wires that fence you in, life would be easier, simpler, and you could be happier?
Why do we always think that what other people have is better than what we have? Why is it so hard to embrace our own messy, crazy, imperfect lives and just believe in God’s plan for us?
I admit this winter has taken a toll on my psyche, and quite frankly, I am tired of it. I feel like I spend every day waiting for the sun to shine, for the weather to warm up. I feel like I have been waiting all winter for something to give me a break. In fact, I feel like I have spent half my life waiting on something that maybe is never going to happen. But I am beginning to realize that in all my waiting, I have failed to be thankful for what I have. I have forgotten about the life I been building behind the scenes. I have failed to see the forest for the trees.
I have heard it said not to get so busy building a life that you forget to live. As a kid, I never really wished I was older. I never really wanted to grow up, get married, have kids, or have a real job. I was happy just being a kid, riding my horse, raising steers for 4-H, or doing whatever I wanted pretty much whenever I wanted.
Then I fell in love… and life changed. My heart threw itself into overdrive, spun around, and went a hundred miles an hour the other direction. All of a sudden I wanted to be done with high school, to be done with college, to get married and be a wife. I was so busy being in love that I was forgetting to live in the moment, to bask in the goodness of being in love, and to enjoy being a young woman on her own.
Pretty soon, though, my husband and I were married. We moved out to my family’s ranch, and we just lived, loved and enjoyed each other’s company for a while. We were in no rush to have kids, until a freak trip to the emergency room revealed a pregnancy that was not meant to be. And suddenly, the urge- the need- to have kids hit me like a ton of bricks. I just knew that if we could have a baby, we would be so happy! Countless tears later, we finally found out we were, indeed, going to have a child. And once again, my heart threw itself into overdrive, and I spent nine long months wishing that baby into the world.
I found myself wishing time away, instead of being grateful for the beautiful gift of pregnancy God had bestowed upon me! Baby girl number one came and life changed forever. Twenty- two months later, her little sister showed up, and we haven’t slowed down since. The grass in my field got greener, yet I haven’t gotten any better about living in the present. I find myself being even less content with where I am in life.
Between raising babies, starting a new business, working full time in town, and wanting so badly to be working full time on the ranch, I am left feeling lost with a yearning, rather than contented, heart.
Would I ever leave this life, or trade it for something different? Absolutely not. But would I change a few things if I had the ultimate power to? The honest answer is, yes… but I can’t, so I am learning to accept that God’s plan will make sense in the end!
Life has a funny way of suddenly making us wake up and realize that it doesn’t last forever.
I am not a patient person, and I hate having to wait for anything. Because of this, the following verse has become my everyday mantra:
That verse is a powerful reminder to stop trying to control this life. God already has it under control! Our job is to live in the present moment; to be patient and grateful; to understand that today is a gift, not a promise. How amazing is that? If we could just let go, and let God take the wheel, He will get us to a destination better than we ever could have dreamed for ourselves. Easier said than done, I know.
I am trying to consciously be grateful for all the blessings I have. I am trying to accept that my job is where God needs me to be. That my messy house is a reflection of the fact we aren’t afraid to live and love each other, rather than honor material things. And I am trying really hard to just be patient, and believe that the plan God has for me and my family may take longer than I might want, and that is okay.
I hope that if you find yourself “stuck in a rut” like me, that you can find ways to get out of it. Whether it is a new hobby, a new haircut, or a new pair of boots…I hope you find something that rekindles your love for the gifts God has bestowed on you.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
Live with a grateful heart, and the things that seem difficult or out of reach may not seem so hard after all!
Trusting God’s plan is a bit like trailing heifers. You never know what is going to happen, but as long as you stay firm in your belief that He has everything under control, everything will turn out fine!
Thank you Richelle for this beautiful reminder to trust God’s plan for our lives!
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Richelle is a busy mom of two little girls and wife to a city-boy turned cowboy- rancher- trucker. She works at a local telephone cooperative, along with managing the books for her family truck business, and operating a small cake & cupcake business out of her house. She is a blogger, amateur photographer, beef producer, and cowgirl. She love horses, good books, spring wildflowers, country music, and scratch-made meals. She is excited for the opportunity to share a bit of her heart with all her rural sisters!